so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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