i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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