i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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