you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
