Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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