I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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