i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
