Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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