I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
