i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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