I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
