We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
