She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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