so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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