i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i think i have two assholes
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
