are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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