Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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