That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
