dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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