Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I love you. Go after that dick
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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