How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
