I heard we made out
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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