i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
