So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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