I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
