is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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