that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i came on her dog
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My vagina is officially offended.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
