I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
