how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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