You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
