Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
