dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Randomize
