im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
