maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's official drugs can't kill me
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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