Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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