I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
