dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
