the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
