She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
