If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
