So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
