marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
