Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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