Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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