help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
