everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
