He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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