i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
