Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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