Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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