my mouth tastes like poor choices
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
