Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
